Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
