there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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