If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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