The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
