stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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