i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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