Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
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I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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