girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
