So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
