Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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