I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.