peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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