I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
