Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
