Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
