We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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