Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
