we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Found your dick twin last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
