Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
