we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
