I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
