I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
