Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
