The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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