we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
