I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
