And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
its not stalking. its research.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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