Where is the hickey?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
