update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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