he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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