Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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