you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I checked into jail on foursquare
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
