I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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