He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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