I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
