Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
