is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
