Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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