the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
