I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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