i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
