what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
