Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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