I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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