3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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