she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize