if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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