my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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