Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
