and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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