Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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