zippers are such a cool invention
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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