I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
