we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
