so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
