you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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