On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
