So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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