i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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