i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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