It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
