Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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