When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
