bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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