you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
