A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
