All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
People in love make me want to vomit
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
