if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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