She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?