Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?