My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history