I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.