Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How unfortunate for your Mom.

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  (847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

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  (410): it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job. http://tfl.nu/iasx
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend

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  (410): best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend http://tfl.nu/u596
  Replies (23) Good night (4556) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (412) Good night (26018) Bad night (3424) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

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  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (94) Good night (7824) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

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  (609): there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them http://tfl.nu/lo0z
  Replies (24) Good night (5306) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3523) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.

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  (917): You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door. http://tfl.nu/b3vl
  Replies (8) Good night (2207) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(

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  (323): they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:( http://tfl.nu/6gfx
  Replies (3) Good night (662) Bad night (2577) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.

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  (806): I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you. http://tfl.nu/8w6h
  Replies (12) Good night (3191) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day

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  (512): Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day http://tfl.nu/zcoa
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.

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  (303): I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time. http://tfl.nu/ridr
  Replies (12) Good night (466) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.

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  (250): Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults. http://tfl.nu/wfm3
  Replies (6) Good night (1304) Bad night (234) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."

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  (850): Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening." http://tfl.nu/4kvm
  Replies (5) Good night (391) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.

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  (206): As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light. http://tfl.nu/6mx3
  Replies (10) Good night (2310) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt

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