He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...