I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life