You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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