Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
