I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize