It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
